Feature Issue on Loneliness and People with Intellectual, Developmental, and Other Disabilities
Let's Try Face-to-Face
Technology and Loneliness
We’re using technology more than ever. Is it making us lonely? Spending a lot of time on social media can cause problems because it lacks a direct social connection to other people. You can’t fully understand the other person when using technology like email or texting because you are unable to know their social expression or tone. You can’t tell if someone is being sarcastic or if they are mad or upset or happy. Some people might be dishonest or try to take advantage of you when using technology. It can be depressing to see other people’s posts about what they are doing or who they are with when you are by yourself. Videogames and online gaming can also be isolating, even when people are gaming with others, because they aren’t face to face. On the other hand, using email and social media can help you meet people and keep in touch. A report from the U.S. Surgeon General recommends participating in social groups and activities and reducing time spent on social media or with unhealthy relationships. Talking face-to-face is healthier, but we also acknowledge that technology can connect us when being together isn’t possible. As we learned during the COVID-19 pandemic, technology can be a lifeline, and it can also lead to isolation. It’s up to us to keep this tool in our control.
Technology use in the United States has increased significantly during the past 20 years. More adults than ever use the internet and have mobile phones, and just over 40% of adults report being constantly online during their days, according to a 2024 Pew Research Center survey. It is likely no coincidence that adults also report being lonelier than ever, as noted in the 2023 U.S. Surgeon General’s report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. (https://bit.ly/44GKVeH). By being so connected to technology, are we missing out on connections to the people around us? To help adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) increase their social interactions and belonging, let’s examine the pros and cons of technology as a way to reduce loneliness among people with developmental and other disabilities.
The Risks of Being Alone Together
Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other and director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self, argues that technology increasingly allows us to seek virtual companionship, which can lead to loneliness, emotional detachment, and more superficial relationships.
Too much time using technology or being on social media can cause problems because it lacks a direct social connection to other people. You can’t fully understand the other person when using technology like email or texting because you are unable to know their social expression or tone. You can’t tell if someone is being sarcastic or if they are mad or upset or happy. Some people might be dishonest or try to take advantage of you when using technology. On social media, it is easy to get depressed or angry when you see other people’s posts about what they are doing or who they are with when you are by yourself. When you are using technology, you are usually by yourself when you could be with other people face to face and doing something fun. Too much technology is not healthy. It’s really not.
“Even the technology that promises to unite us, divides us,” author Dan Brown notes in his novel Angles and Demons. “Each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone.”
Social media can make you feel lonely when you see others being happy, having something you don’t have, or being with their friends while you are alone on your device. You might think to yourself, “I wish I could do that.” It can be very difficult and can decrease your confidence and self-esteem. You might not feel like being social and might stay home or not be as outgoing as you usually are.
Feeling lonely could also come from past trauma and feeling isolated, which can make you not want to be social. You might be afraid to put yourself out in the world because you are feeling insecure after seeing things on social media. Some people might need help with their confidence when meeting up and hanging out with others. If you show interest in others, they might feel confident or comfortable to do something social and get out of their house and their loneliness. They could also get counseling, go to counseling groups, or go to the public library or a group they might enjoy.
Videogames and online gaming can also be isolating, even when people are gaming with others. They do not meet people face to face, and they spend a lot of time on the screen. Also, they are usually doing it late at night, and then they sleep late the next day, when they could be making friends. Someone might say the people they play these games with are their buddies, but they never meet face to face. They may be more focused on the game than getting to know each other. Some real friendships do come from those connections, especially if the gamers are in the same city, but often they are not.
The Promise of Technology and Social Media
Even though too much technology use can be problematic, certain types of technology use can be helpful if it leads to face-to-face interactions with others. For example, emails can help introduce you to new people and then you can meet them in-person. In fact, when I (Shelby) participated with a couple of other people in a panel presentation about friendships, I emailed with one of the other panelists and we became friends. You never know what emailing or texting could lead to, so it is good to try to connect socially with someone who seems like they could be a friend. It can change someone’s life and help you to not be lonely.
Texting can be a good way to connect with others (who also have phones) and make plans to get together. Having voice-to-text is helpful. Using emojis during texting is fun and also can help with understanding and sometimes making a stronger connection. Another way to connect with others is through video calls or virtual meetings such as Facetime or Zoom. The best part of these is that unlike emails, texting, and audio calls, these are face-to-face even though they are not in-person. Even though these are virtual forms of communication, the face-to-face capability adds to the social connection.
Another type of technology that can be helpful for connecting people is Facebook Groups. Facebook Groups are cool because you can share activities with others who have similar interests and meet up and do something fun. One of my (Shelby’s) friends did this and went to a Chinese food dinner event with other people. Online networks like this help you connect to other people based on interests. One common example is organizing book clubs or other groups that meet at the library and talk about a topic or do a project together.
Benefits of Face Time
It is much better to do things with others in person. There is more of a social connection when you are face-to-face, and it is more fun. Getting to know someone new is fun when you learn about them and see what you have in common. You can change their life, and they can change your life. You can have interesting conversations, listen to them and have someone listen to you, and you can offer support or suggestions for how to address a problem they are having. Conversation is the key to good friendships. When you are face-to-face with someone, you can tell if they are being honest and what they are feeling. Talking is so much better than texting because you can understand better.
I (Shelby) love spending time with friends. I am in a weekly bowling league and have a couple of friends there, and we also make plans outside of bowling to get lunch. I am in a Swedish weaving class at the local Senior Center and absolutely love it. The ladies there are really nice, and we have great conversations. It’s just healthy. Age should not matter at all. You get that nice balance, you just enjoy the moment and have a good conversation. I also go to the YMCA with my brother and a staff person, and I have some good friends there. We just have fun together swimming or playing games, and we are not focusing on trying to be friends. I work on the weekends at a grocery store and one coworker is a friend. We go to each other’s house, sit and talk, and have coffee or a meal together. Whenever I want to spend time with someone, I just ask, “Do you want to get together?” or say, “Let’s make a plan.”
Finding Balance
The Surgeon General’s report offered some suggestions for boosting social connections and proving well-being, even in the digital age:
- Invest time in nurturing your relationships through consistent, frequent, and high-quality engagement with others.
- Participate in social and community groups such as fitness, religious, hobby, professional, and community service organizations to foster a sense of belonging, meaning, and purpose.
- Actively engage with people of different backgrounds and experiences to expand your understanding of and relationships with others.
- Reduce practices that lead to feelings of disconnection from others such as the harmful and excessive use of social media and spending time in unhealthy relationships.
There is a clear emphasis on face-to-face interactions with other people as much as possible while also limiting social media use. Talking face-to-face is healthier, but we also acknowledge that technology can connect us when being together isn’t possible. As we learned during the COVID-19 pandemic, technology can be a lifeline, and it can also lead to isolation. It’s up to us to keep this tool in our control.