Feature Issue on Loneliness and People with Intellectual, Developmental, and Other Disabilities

Editor’s note: There is an old saying that having a sister means never facing the world alone. Impact invited Mindy and Anna Bolgrien to talk about what they do with feelings of loneliness, and to share why staying connected in their community is so important.

Mindy Bolgrien: I had friends in school and was in a lot of activities, so I knew a lot of people. I was in a ballet school, and did swimming and soccer, like Anna did. I still have four different dance classes each week, including Zumba. Everyone knows me. I was on TV the other night, on “Night to Shine.” I like when everyone is watching me. I. Am. Awesome.

Anna Bolgrien: Growing up, the idea of staying close as sisters wasn’t necessarily something I thought about deliberately. But we did a lot of things as a family. Going off to college, I was so wrapped up in my own becoming-an-adult process that I don’t think I was very engaged with what you were doing. As we’ve gotten older, it has taken a lot of effort to stay connected because we’re not living in the same city.

Mindy: You let me go to your college.

Anna: Yes, that was fun. And then after college, when I was out on my own and living in Minneapolis, that was a lonelier time in my life, a time when it was important to count on those close family relationships and old friends. I remember leaning on my boyfriend, now husband, and Mom. I think I called them every day and I know I relied on Mom a lot.

Mindy: I live in my own apartment now, but I’m not lonely. I do come home [to Mom and Dad’s house] on weekends. When I’m in my apartment alone, I call it me time. I play a lot of Nintendo Switch when I’m bored. Or watch YouTube.

Anna: You also get out a lot, for activities and working at KwikTrip.

Mindy: Yeah, all the people there know me. I’m popular. Same thing at the tavern where I clean.

Anna: I think that might be why you don’t feel lonely very often, because you’re in all those dance classes and you’re working and doing a lot of things all the time. And if you didn’t have those classes and didn’t have a job and were just in your apartment all day with YouTube, you’d like it for a while, but I think it might get lonely. I think you’d be bored. Remember the time Mom and Dad went on vacation and I came and stayed with you? When I got there, I think I remember that you had been a little lonely while you were waiting. Mom calls that the missing piece. You have support at your job, but all the community outings are the first thing to go when staff is stretched thin. So, lack of staff is a barrier to living more independently.

Mindy: No one checking on me.

Anna: Right, there would be no one checking on you. And so, we’re trying to figure out how we maintain some of those systems so that you continue to live independently, and how does that change five years from now or 10 years from now? So yeah, those are definitely things that I’m thinking about. Mom and Dad have developed a community network of other families, but it took a long time.

Mindy: Everybody needs a little support.